Saturday, 17 September 2016
Wednesday, 27 July 2016
You know when you have an exam? And time's up but you havent finished yet. Some questions to be answered, some answers to b checked...
Well everyday when u wake up, its like god gave u an extra 24 hours to find those answers, to correct ur mistakes, to fulfill ur wishes, to pursue ur dreams. Take advantage of those 24 hours cz one day, he may not give them to u...and like at the end of an exam ull say: "i need more time"
Saturday, 11 June 2016
So i went to the mosque today for fajr. Since i got married 3 years ago, i dont get to go to the mosque cz i have a baby and nobody to look after him. But i was sleeping over at my parents after they invited me to iftar, and my dad offered to watch my son so i could go to prayer. I was so excited!!!
As i walked down the street, there was something about the breeze that was filled with spirituality. I could feel the angels all around me. I felt like i wanted to dance and sing to express my happiness. Happy thoughts were racing through my mind. But the moment i entered the sacred temple of god, the mosque, it was as if my soul was lifted to a higher place, as if it were meditating...and all the noise in my head was replaced with peaceful silence. It was so amazing i cried. As i prayed, i felt such greatness and honor, to b praying in the house of the lord. I felt like i could stay there forever...
As i exited the mosque, i took a piece of that spirituality with me...the memory of greatness i felt. I will refresh this memory everytime i feel low on the spiritual bar, and hopefully itll lift my spirit again to a simulation of what i felt when i entered the house of Allah!
Saturday, 28 May 2016
So i went to bed an hour ago...but iv been tossing and turning ever since. Anxiety has taken my mind away, leaving me in fast shallow breaths. I try to breathe deep, so self meditate, but in vain. The issue on my mind: my freedom!
My husband doesnt take me out, and i have only 1 friend who i barely see, and my husband wont let me put my son at daycare so i could go out. This puts me in a tight position, between four walls.
I wake up early almost everyday, do all my housework & personal routines...anything to keep me from going insane. Then i spend the rest of the day taking care of my son and doing further housework. Sometimes i get to take a short walk around the neighborhood. I only see my parents once a week, when i visit them. They rarely visit me. I used to visit my grandparents once a week but now theyre too old to tolerate my sons noises.
I saw a gym near my new house today that has daycare. My husband refused before i even finished asking. Im hoping he will change his mind.
Iv been overlooking my husbands shortcoming to not taking me out, giving him the excuse that he is busy, when mostly its cz he doesnt like going out. Iv been waiting for summer so i could go out everyday, so i could finally have my honeymoon before i get pregnant again and lose any hope of ever travelling. I once upon a time used to dream of travelling around the world. I know now its impossible.
Im afraid i may b pregnant, too afraid to check...but then again, im always afraid im pregnant. In 2 weeks i will check. If its positive, my dream of a honeymoon is over.
Stay tuned to know whether i have hope (10% if im not pregnant bcz my husband is giving me a hard time abt where to put our 15 month old son) or whether hope is gone (0% if im pregnant) to ever go to turkey this summer...or never!
Saturday, 2 April 2016
So i woke up today really dizzy and i could barely breathe from my nose...
Another allergy attack! My 2nd since yesterday...
Donno if i mentioned it but i have allergical sinusitus. Yesterday when i left the house, a hot wind blew on my face. That change in weather triggered my allergy. Im taking lorinase for it. Its a gd medication but its effect only lasts a few house & i can only take it twice a day...
So now besides my stress from getting ready to move to a new house in a few days, and my PMS, i got this allergy....go figure!!!
My knees also have been hurting me the past few days. I have ripped cartilage in both knees and every once in a while the pain kicks in...i dont mean to nag but im lonely at home and when i talk to my family i dont like to complain...so im blogging.
I havent blogged in a while. Plus i read an article that blogging increases productivity. So goooo bloggerssss!!!