I used to feel lonely and crave human interaction. Now i'm very picky about who i interact with. Even if it's family, i decide how much i interact with them bcz i don't chase anyone and if someone is killing my vibes, i let go. I'm letting go of all the things and people causing me negativity. I'm embracing me. Loving myself for who i am. And it is so wierd that once i started on this spiritual journey of finding myself and getting closer to Allah, i found people with positive vibes getting attracted to me; whether it is an old friend or someone i barely used to converse with or some random mom on ig, i'm having almost daily convos with these lovely ladies and they are giving me positive feedback abt my parenting and also they r helping me get closer to Allah, in one way or another. Whether it's encouraging eachother to review quraan, or to be confident and positive, or just simply to tell me that i'm doing a great job. I'm so grateful for everything i have. Allah has sent me beautiful souls to help me to get closer to him. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. I was devastated and frustrated cz i'm not being able to leave the house much or do much housework and i'm in increasing pain day by day after my operation. Bed rest is not an option for me bcz i have a 3 year old son who depends on me completely and i'm not one of those moms who is ok with her house turning into a pig pen. I'm praying to God to heal my foot. I think i learned my lesson. I wasn't reading much quraan and this was a reminder from Allah to go back to him. I will continue on my journey of reviewing quraan and becoming more calm and collected and i will not b frustrated by the condition of my foot bcz it will heal eventually and God does everything for a reason. Maybe i don't see the pros from my "operation that's taking forever to heal", but God loves me and I love him and i trust him and i turn to him for guidance and patience and healing.
Thursday, 4 January 2018
I've always struggled with positivity, it wasn't until recently i have noticed how negative i am. I get riled up from tiny things, repetitive annoying behavior, but today i noticed the problem was in me. I thought that certain people around me were being annoying, accidently or on purpose, but it was actually me over analyzing every single behavior in a negative way and make everything about me. I realized that i haven't accepted my loved ones as they are. I always blamed my perfectionist character and decided i couldnt do anything about it; until i realized i had been having anger management problems. The reason why iv been away from the blog for so long is bcz i don't consider myself fit to give advice. I used to want to write a book one day, but that was back when i was calm and collected. I also blamed my circumstances (health issues mainly) but then it hit me that my negativity is making me frustrated and angry. I focus on how many tantrums my son throws and how annoying he is when he is bored instead of focusing on all the love he gives me and the attention he demands. I teach him things everyday that i take for granted. He is a smart kid. He is vibrant and energetic. Even though he is lonely bcz he doesnt see kids much, he still has this amazing character. I grow impatient with him bcz i forget he is only almost 3 years old. I complain all the time to everyone i talk to. Sometimes i boast abt his good qualities but mostly im negative. I read a lot about positivity, but implimenting them in my daily reactions is easier said than done. I don't remember how many times i promised to control my anger and handle things with grace only to growl again the next time something didn't go my way. Which brings us to another problem, self-loathing. More about that next time. My writing is a bit chaotic bcz that is how my thoughts are. I'll get better hopefully...
Wednesday, 27 July 2016
You know when you have an exam? And time's up but you havent finished yet. Some questions to be answered, some answers to b checked...
Well everyday when u wake up, its like god gave u an extra 24 hours to find those answers, to correct ur mistakes, to fulfill ur wishes, to pursue ur dreams. Take advantage of those 24 hours cz one day, he may not give them to u...and like at the end of an exam ull say: "i need more time"
Saturday, 11 June 2016
So i went to the mosque today for fajr. Since i got married 3 years ago, i dont get to go to the mosque cz i have a baby and nobody to look after him. But i was sleeping over at my parents after they invited me to iftar, and my dad offered to watch my son so i could go to prayer. I was so excited!!!
As i walked down the street, there was something about the breeze that was filled with spirituality. I could feel the angels all around me. I felt like i wanted to dance and sing to express my happiness. Happy thoughts were racing through my mind. But the moment i entered the sacred temple of god, the mosque, it was as if my soul was lifted to a higher place, as if it were meditating...and all the noise in my head was replaced with peaceful silence. It was so amazing i cried. As i prayed, i felt such greatness and honor, to b praying in the house of the lord. I felt like i could stay there forever...
As i exited the mosque, i took a piece of that spirituality with me...the memory of greatness i felt. I will refresh this memory everytime i feel low on the spiritual bar, and hopefully itll lift my spirit again to a simulation of what i felt when i entered the house of Allah!
Thursday, 18 February 2016
Wednesday, 6 January 2016
Tuesday, 29 December 2015
What is mental stability?
What is emotional stability?
What is stability at all?
To b stable is to have balance.
Its to not let outside problwms affect u.
What abt the inside?
Dont u ever go thru those days where u feel everything goes wrong? Dont u feel like sometimes the tiniest things can ruin ur mood? Doesnt it sometimes feel like u have no control over ur emotions? Dont u ever feel insane? So stressed ur on and on talking to urself...or bipolar? Happy this moment & miserable the next.
Its so exhausting. It happens to me every once in a while. Suddenly i hate myself, i feel like i need someone to talk to but i also feel like nobody cares. It all goes down to 1 thing: routine. Being in a rut is a mood killer, it kills everything sweet and dandy actually. When nothing new & exciting is happening to u, how can u feel excited. I feel drunk now. So tired. Exhausted. Tired of changing myself. Tired of doing a diet for 10 months and getting stuck. Theres a burning in my heart. Theres a yearning to my soul. I dont know where to start. To get closer to my goal.