So i went to bed an hour ago...but iv been tossing and turning ever since. Anxiety has taken my mind away, leaving me in fast shallow breaths. I try to breathe deep, so self meditate, but in vain. The issue on my mind: my freedom!
My husband doesnt take me out, and i have only 1 friend who i barely see, and my husband wont let me put my son at daycare so i could go out. This puts me in a tight position, between four walls.
I wake up early almost everyday, do all my housework & personal routines...anything to keep me from going insane. Then i spend the rest of the day taking care of my son and doing further housework. Sometimes i get to take a short walk around the neighborhood. I only see my parents once a week, when i visit them. They rarely visit me. I used to visit my grandparents once a week but now theyre too old to tolerate my sons noises.
I saw a gym near my new house today that has daycare. My husband refused before i even finished asking. Im hoping he will change his mind.
Iv been overlooking my husbands shortcoming to not taking me out, giving him the excuse that he is busy, when mostly its cz he doesnt like going out. Iv been waiting for summer so i could go out everyday, so i could finally have my honeymoon before i get pregnant again and lose any hope of ever travelling. I once upon a time used to dream of travelling around the world. I know now its impossible.
Im afraid i may b pregnant, too afraid to check...but then again, im always afraid im pregnant. In 2 weeks i will check. If its positive, my dream of a honeymoon is over.
Stay tuned to know whether i have hope (10% if im not pregnant bcz my husband is giving me a hard time abt where to put our 15 month old son) or whether hope is gone (0% if im pregnant) to ever go to turkey this summer...or never!