Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Feeling appreciated

Today a professor complimented me on my strength. I presented my thesis defense. I was so nervous. When i finished, there were some comments...there were some questions...but before they graded my masters thesis, the head professor said to the jury:

Before we just grade u like ur a machine, i want to take this from a humane perspective. Iv been with sajida step by step since she started her masters while she was pregnancy. She studied masters in french while she is an american. She had problems during pregnancy. She had to deliver early in the middle of the exams. She had problems with her son when she first delivered. But still she came & retook all the exams she missed at delivery. She showed up everyday to the lab and worked hard but had to leave early to breastfeed her son. Despite all the obtsacles she faced, sajida gave her heart & soul to this masters. She didnt give up. She didnt back down.

Then he said to me:

I just want to tell u that im proud of u. U r a living example that when someone puts a goal & is determined to get there, they get there. Im proud of ur work. U r so brave & hardworking.

I almost cried...it's nice when people notice what u went through & acknoledge ur power...it gives me strength

Monday, 28 September 2015


If the world was made out perfect
U would feel like nothing's worth it
U would get so bored & tired
Need excitement in ur life
Thats where u'll find
All the drama
All the drama

*beat break*

Im no drama queen
But i think i know a few
Think the world's all abt u

(Its the drama drama drama
I can feel it wherever i go
Like ur the only one with problems
& u want it all to show

Its the drama drama drama
Exposin all ur household
Makin ur life so much like
A tv reality show)

If u take a look much closer
To the kind of world we live in
People postin all these photos
So that other people like 'em

People used to b most valued
For integrity & manners
Now it's how many people u follow
Nowadays it's all that matters


We live in a narcissistic media
Where they post every single move
Like the world no longer goes on
If u dont post every single food

I know u should b confident
& feel ur self-worth
But postin on social media
Is not how it works

U should b a successful something
Anything would actually do
Just find a useful talent
& put urself in use


Life isn't supposed to b perfect
That's y heaven exists
So that those who went through so much
& yet managed to stand still
Are rewarded for their strength &
Given everything they wish
Life is full of so much drama
So differentiate what's bullsh**

Friday, 25 September 2015


Iv written a few songs about being a mother...pretty contraversial. So instead of talking abt what motherhood is like...im just gonna put my latest one down here:

There r some feelings
So hard to describe
There r some feelings
Difficult to hide

Like the feeling when i had u
Since u were in my womb
I cried how much i loved u
Before even seeing u

N since the day i met u
Iv been in complete awe
At the miracle that is u
Sent to me from Allah

Cz (baby ur so beautiful
I cant help but stare
Ur smile is so gullible
Makes me so care

Ur laugh n ur grin
They make my head spin
The way that u play
The love u give away

[Ur fillin me up
With love
Ur pumpin me up
With love
Ur makin my heart
Beat with love
Ur makin my mind
Think of love
I tell u this now
With love)

When ur head is on my chest
N ur resting in my arms
Im feeling at my best
N our hearts beat as one

I get this amazing feeling
That only a mom can feel
Cant describe the way im feeling
When in my arms u sleep


I would give up the world u know
Just to see u always smile
I would do the impossible
Just to see u walkin high
I would give everything i had
Let go of everything i am
Just to make sure that u r
N to me u can n will b
Always will b
A shining staaaar


Be a gd boy n rock the world

U see...motherhood is awesome & exhausting at the same time. Amazing and terrifying...Breath-taking & heart-breaking...i can go on & on...but only a mother can understand what i mean.

Tuesday, 25 August 2015


Its difficult to accept change around u
People change...
Feelings change...
Circumstances change...
And in the midst of the hurricane destroying everything u know, and the tsunami wiping away all the rubble...
U stand off guard to the new ahead of u...
And dealing with the new u must deal differently than u did with the old...
So u have no choice but to change.

But change can b gd...for example getting married, having a baby,...
If u really think abt it...things r constantly changing...and if they werent, ud b bored...
Ud yearn for change.
U know when u get depressed from routine u say: i need to try something different. U need change.

The problem with change is that we wait for it, then when it happens we r stunned...unprepared...we say "i had no idea it would b like this"
As a defense mechanism, we tend to act the same exact way. Thats where we make a mistake...new situations need new methods...new attitutes...new perspective. We cant keep on doing the same old thing and expecting change.

We need to change according to the circumstances. It doesnt mean we dont have a character...it means we grow...evolve...change.

Monday, 27 July 2015

Social puppet

By me

Is it too soon to smile?
Or is it too late to cry?
Is it too wrong to speak up?
Or is it too right to hide?

All my life as a child
I was loved for bein spontaneous
Now an adult I am tied
To these strings its so outrageous

(I feel like a social puppet
In a theatric play
Smile like this
Talk like that
Careful how u walk
Dont do it like that

I feel like a puppet
Theyre pullin all my strings
Sometimes I feel helpless
I have no will or whim

I have no say in the matter
Gotta b how society wants
Gotta b another social puppet
Gotta b what society wants)

Sometimes I try to break free
N am scolded for gettin out of line
Its like I gotta live by a script, see
Gotta memorize my lines

So I end up actin like im brainwashed
But im actin bein fully aware
That im on a stage full of actors
N theyre all equally as scared

But ()

I slowly try to change the rules
But the rules r too strong
I even try to break the strings
But the strings r too long

I need to find
Someone like me
Who is willing to defy the world
Someone who is strong enough
To help me break all the rules
Someone who doesnt care
What everyone else says
Someone who doesnt care
What everyone else does

Or ill spend my days
Feelin like a social puppet
In a theatric play
Bein like a social puppet
Every single daaay

The perfect things to do & say

It takes a long time to learn how to talk and act if u werent raised to say the rt thing or act the rt way. However, I always used to ask myself: is there 1 way to act and talk? How do I know that what I said or did was wrong? Apparently, every culture has certain customs in behavior.
In lebanon, for instance, u cant talk back to a superior, or let down someone doing u a favor. There is a certain intellect and dialect to which u r obliged to go by. Honesty is not the best policy, and everything must b sugar coated. These r only a few of the things iv learned after living in lebanon for 16 years. Its difficult to pick up on lebanese lifestyle after ur already an adult. Although I was living in lebanon since I was 8 years old, I was raised by an american mom...and to a certain extent, I think like an American.
I used to mock anyone who acted "lebanesey". But honestly, the only way to fit in is to blend in. Im not saying throw my culture away or stop thinking like an american, but in public affairs...yes. On personal basis, I have the choice to keep some & let go of some of my American traits, depending on their effect on the people around me.
For example, im married to a lebanese man with a lebanese family & very lebanese habits. In addition to having to adjust to their private family customs, I must blend into their lebanesey lives. Its difficult, but not impossible.
That is why my personal advice is: people shouldnt marry fro. Different cultures unless they're willing to adapt to the husbands culture & raise their kids accordingly...or the kids will pay the price.

Saturday, 18 July 2015

The perfect man

To all the girls out there, looking for the perfect man...
Word of advice from a happily married woman. Stop looking!
They say if you're looking for something too hard, chances are you're never gonna find it. Same thing as thinking...if you think too hard, you dont get creative ideas, thoughts and solutions.
Girls girls girls, you're looking for the wrong thing in a perfect man.
The perfect man isn't the one with the flawless body, or the photogenic face, or the countless money, or the sophisticated social status, ...etc.
The perfect man isn't the one who always does the right thing, or always knows what to say.
The perfect man is the one that makes you laugh, or teases you so he can make you smile again.
The perfect man is the one that is as addicted to u as you are, if not more.
The one who is responsible, dependable, tough on the world but gentle on you..the one who you can fight with and make up with a few minutes later...the one you try to b mad at when he teases you but can't stop smiling cz he is too cute u cant resist...the one who is there at the end of the day to listen to the details of what you did, no matter how bored or tired he is...
The perfect man isnt perfect...he is the man who makes you feel perfect.
To all the girls out there looking for the perfect man, he's out there...but stop looking, cz he will find you, and trust me...when he does, you will know...
I have seen more romantic movies than I can count, and they all have this ideal picture of love...but love isnt ideal...its an adventure. You laugh and you cry, sometimes you wonder y, but at the end of the day, you feel like a rock star,  cool but on fire...and you dont wanna b anywhere else than cuddling with him...listening to his heart beat...and feeling yours pound.
Don't ever feel that you dont deserve love...or that you'll never be enough...because somewhere...sometime...someone thinks you're perfect...just the way you are.