Thursday, 4 January 2018


I've always struggled with positivity, it wasn't until recently i have noticed how negative i am. I get riled up from tiny things, repetitive annoying behavior, but today i noticed the problem was in me. I thought that certain people around me were being annoying, accidently or on purpose, but it was actually me over analyzing every single behavior in a negative way and make everything about me. I realized that i haven't accepted my loved ones as they are. I always blamed my perfectionist character and decided i couldnt do anything about it; until i realized i had been having anger management problems. The reason why iv been away from the blog for so long is bcz i don't consider myself fit to give advice. I used to want to write a book one day, but that was back when i was calm and collected. I also blamed my circumstances (health issues mainly) but then it hit me that my negativity is making me frustrated and angry. I focus on how many tantrums my son throws and how annoying he is when he is bored instead of focusing on all the love he gives me and the attention he demands. I teach him things everyday that i take for granted. He is a smart kid. He is vibrant and energetic. Even though he is lonely bcz he doesnt see kids much, he still has this amazing character. I grow impatient with him bcz i forget he is only almost 3 years old. I complain all the time to everyone i talk to. Sometimes i boast abt his good qualities but mostly im negative. I read a lot about positivity, but implimenting them in my daily reactions is easier said than done. I don't remember how many times i promised to control my anger and handle things with grace only to growl again the next time something didn't go my way. Which brings us to another problem, self-loathing. More about that next time. My writing is a bit chaotic bcz that is how my thoughts are. I'll get better hopefully...

Wednesday, 27 July 2016


You know when you have an exam? And time's up but you havent finished yet. Some questions to be answered, some answers to b checked...
Well everyday when u wake up, its like god gave u an extra 24 hours to find those answers, to correct ur mistakes, to fulfill ur wishes, to pursue ur dreams. Take advantage of those 24 hours cz one day, he may not give them to u...and like at the end of an exam ull say: "i need more time"

Saturday, 11 June 2016

Spiritual mind-blow

So i went to the mosque today for fajr. Since i got married 3 years ago, i dont get to go to the mosque cz i have a baby and nobody to look after him. But i was sleeping over at my parents after they invited me to iftar, and my dad offered to watch my son so i could go to prayer. I was so excited!!!

As i walked down the street, there was something about the breeze that was filled with spirituality. I could feel the angels all around me. I felt like i wanted to dance and sing to express my happiness. Happy thoughts were racing through my mind. But the moment i entered the sacred temple of god, the mosque, it was as if my soul was lifted to a higher place, as if it were meditating...and all the noise in my head was replaced with peaceful silence. It was so amazing i cried. As i prayed, i felt such greatness and honor, to b praying in the house of the lord. I felt like i could stay there forever...
As i exited the mosque, i took a piece of that spirituality with me...the memory of greatness i felt. I will refresh this memory everytime i feel low on the spiritual bar, and hopefully itll lift my spirit again to a simulation of what i felt when i entered the house of Allah!

Thursday, 18 February 2016

What it's like to be moody

Sometimes i wake up happy & energetic Sometimes i wish i could stay in bed all day Sometimes i feel like going out Sometimes i dread leaving the house Sometimes im positive Sometimes im negative Sometimes i smile like i own the world Sometimes i cant even manage a fake smile Sometimes i feel so grateful for the life i lead Sometimes i feel my heart is not content Sometimes i accept who i am Sometimes i wish i was somebody else Sometimes i go through my chores with excitement Sometimes id b like "omg i have so much to do today!!!" Sometimes i dance like its my birthday Sometimes i dont feel alive enough to do so It may sound like im crazy But im just a moody human being

Wednesday, 6 January 2016


كثيرا ما نبحث عن السعادة في نزهة...في فيلم...في جلسة... كثيرا ما ننتظر حدثا كي نفرح...ننتظر ولدا كي نظفر...ننتظر مالا كي نشتري... نحن البشر...لا يعجبنا العجب...نظل نتلفت حولنا على ما أنعم الله على غيرنا...ننظر و نتمنى... نمضي وقتنا نتحسر على ماضينا...نقلق من مستقبلنا...و نتوه في بحر من الحزن على ما خسرناه...و ما لم نملك أبدا... نبحث في أعماقنا عن ما يسعدنا...نبحث عن معنى السعادة...نبحث عن أسباب السعادة... لنقف قليلا و ننظر الى أنفسنا. لماذا نضيع وقتنا بهذه الأشياء؟ لماذا نضيع في شبر ماء؟ لماذا نبحث عن السعادة؟ لماذا لا نبيع نحن السعادة؟ لماذا لا نعد النعم التى نملكها؟ لماذا لا نتأمل الآن؟ نعيش اللحظة...نستمتع...نفرح...نسعد.. نحن نلتهي بالبحث عن ما لا نملك...بدل أن نستمتع بما نملك! الأعزب يريد أن يتزوج... المتزوج يريد أن يرزق بولد... الأم تريد أن تسعد ببعض الوقت لنفسها، لتنفس عن ضغط الأمومة... المريض يريد أن يشفى... المعافى يريد أن يلهو... الكبير بالسن يتمنى لو يرجع الى الشباب... و الشاب يتمنى لو بقي طفلا... و القلب يهوى و يتمنى... و يفعل الله ما يريد! بحكمة منه... يبلي و يعين! بعلم مسبق منه... ينتظر من سيشكر...و من سيكفر! برحمة منه... يجزي الصابر بالأجر...و الشاكر بالمزيد! الدنيا دار بلاء... ملعونة! و ملعون ما فيها...الا ذكر الله. فبدل أن ننتظر ما تقر به أعيننا...و نتحسر ان لم يأت الينا... دعونا نكن من الصابرين على النقم...من الشاكرين على النعم...من الذاكرين الله كثيرا والذاكرات... دعونا نسلم أمورنا لله وحده...و ندع القلق و الحزن...نتوكل على الله و نثق انه...بحكمة منه، و رحمة منه...سوف يعيننا ان دعوناه بقلب صادق تقي...فإن الله لا يستجيب لدعاء من قلب غافل لاه! بقلم ساجدة حداد

Tuesday, 29 December 2015


What is mental stability?
What is emotional stability?
What is stability at all?
To b stable is to have balance.
Its to not let outside problwms affect u.
What abt the inside?
Dont u ever go thru those days where u feel everything goes wrong? Dont u feel like sometimes the tiniest things can ruin ur mood? Doesnt it sometimes feel like u have no control over ur emotions? Dont u ever feel insane? So stressed ur on and on talking to urself...or bipolar? Happy this moment & miserable the next.
Its so exhausting. It happens to me every once in a while. Suddenly i hate myself, i feel like i need someone to talk to but i also feel like nobody cares. It all goes down to 1 thing: routine. Being in a rut is a mood killer, it kills everything sweet and dandy actually. When nothing new & exciting is happening to u, how can u feel excited. I feel drunk now. So tired. Exhausted. Tired of changing myself. Tired of doing a diet for 10 months and getting stuck. Theres a burning in my heart. Theres a yearning to my soul. I dont know where to start. To get closer to my goal.

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Expressing emotion

Children know not how to express they cry. They cry for attention, they cry for help, and sometimes, they cry because they r hurting and they dont know y. The thing in common between us adults and children is emotion. We feel the same basic emotions as children. Joy, excitement, pain, fear,...etc. Upon birth, babies express their wants and needs with the only way they know...crying. As the baby becomes more & more aware of his/her surroundings, he/she begins to experience joy. Smiling is followed by laughter, and the crying begins to differentiate into different tones, based on the type of need. When a child first learns to speak, he/she tries to translate needs and wants into words. When wishes r not fulfilled, the toddler learns to create tantrums. The more the tantrums r effective, the more they r used. Children express themselves freely, no shame or social pressure. As the child gets older, and in introduced to the world of right and wrong, some of these wants cannot b fulfilled, and thus some emotions must b masked. As a child turns into a teenager, new feelings r introduced, new emotions, new wants, new needs...and thus teenagers become masters in masking emotions, or overexpressing them. Teenagers have no idea what they r feeling, and so dont know exactly how to express their wants and needs. Some become aggressive, others bashful. And depending on the reactions of their surroundings, this phase is either short if surroundings r healthy and emotions r dealt with well, or may become permanent if handled drastically. As teenagers emerge into adults, they enter a whole new world of responsibility, a whole new collection of emotions. They become more and more afraid. They must solve problems on their own. They must b mature. The pressure is enough to make someone burst. But no. They must b strong. So they mask their fear. They mask sadness. All negative emotiobs must b put away. Only joy and courage can surface. So if u break it down, from infancy to adulthood, we experience the same basic emotions: joy, fear, sadness,... but sometimes we misunderstand how we feel. Sometimes we mask our emotions. But when we look at an infant, we smile bcz we see innocence. We see a life form that hasnt been tampered with yet. We see pure emotion, though misexpressed. We see real laughs for little things. We see shrieks for other things. We look at a child and see the child within each and every one of us, dreading to b free. Free to express our emotions. Free to feel.